


Instant Messaging II

by TheSaddleman



Series: Instant Messaging [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Awkwardness, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Humour, Psychic Paper, Romance, hidden thoughts, whouffaldi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-28 22:02:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8464648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSaddleman/pseuds/TheSaddleman
Summary: The Doctor tries again to improve his social skills via psychic paper messaging with Clara. Things don't go as planned.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a followup/sequel to the first Instant Messaging story (http://archiveofourown.org/works/8435029) but you don't need to have read the first one. It follows on with the concept of the Doctor and Clara using the psychic paper to communicate with each other, IM-style, though this one is maybe a little less fluffy as the two hit a bit of an awkward moment. Like the first one, this is an experiment and a departure from my usual style.
> 
> Inspired by (and partially references) a tongue-in-cheek article on BuzzFeed about British phrases and what they sometimes REALLY mean (note: the URL contains a NSFW word as does the title of the article): https://www.buzzfeed.com/hilarywardle/british-sentences-that-will-confuse-the-fuck-out-of-everybod
> 
> This story is set sometime soon after Before the Flood.

Clara?

Clara? Are you awake?

Hello?

     _It’s 3 p.m. Of course I am._

     _Vibrating psychic paper is just wrong._

     _Just saying._

Sorry. Doing anything?

     _Marking._

I’ll psychic you back later.

     _Oh no you don’t!_

Don’t what?

     _We’re not going to make psychic a verb._

     _Sonic was bad enough._

Says the woman who once …

… used app as a verb.

     _When?_

That Christmas turkey.

     _I was under stress?_

Try again. 

I saw the question mark.

     _Just let’s not, OK?_

OK, Teach.

     _Anyway, I can take a break._

     _Talk to me while I make tea._

Your politeness cards reminded me.

I should relearn some of the…

…human expressions I erased…

…when I regenerated.

     _You’ve been doing fine._

No I haven’t.

I offended you.

     _When?_

Many times.

By poking fun at how you look.

Calling you pudding brain.

     _You’ve never called me a pudding brain._

     _Have you?_

…

     _Hello ... Doctor?_

I meant humans in general.

     _I never took the other stuff seriously._

     _I know you never meant it._

     _You made up for it._

     _“Pretty Woman,” remember?_

     _Missy was furious._

Good.

Er, ignore that last one.

Anyway, I still need to relearn what I’ve lost.

     _How can I help?_

     _I have a few min-AHHHHHH!_

…

Clara?

…

CLARA????

I’m on my way-

     _Don’t shout, I’m fine._

     _Just dropped the $#%$@ paper into the teapot._

     _Had to fish it out._

     _Glad it’s waterproof._

     _Hmm..._

     _Why does this have a swear filter?_

Remember that guy at 3W? 

St. Pauls? 

     _Saw the paper filled with swearing?_

Oh yeah. 

     _Always wondered._

     _Were those aimed at me?_

     _Because of what I tried to do with the keys?_

What? No. Never. 

I felt betrayed, yes. 

But I forgave you, remember? 

I even told you that I lo—WHOA! 

No way, don’t you be doing that! 

     _Doing what?_

I was talking to the paper. 

Where were we? 

     _Doctor..._

     _Do you want to finish that sentence?_

I’d rather get to why I’m contacting you. 

…

Clara? 

…

     _OK, sure._

I’m sending you a list of 61 phrases. 

Turns of phrases humans use. 

And their meanings. 

     _How?_

     _There’s no printer for—OUCH!_

     _%$# &!_

You OK? 

     _What the hell did you just do?_

Think of it as psychic e-mail. 

Through the paper. 

Don’t worry, the data I sent will fade. 

In a few years. 

Maybe 8. 10 on the outside. 

May also have overwritten your bank PIN. 

     _You could have asked._

Sorry. 

I’m going to pick a random number... 

...between 1 and 61. 

Use the phrase in a sentence. 

See if I understand it. 

57\. 

     _I don’t mind that you zapped me._

     _Really, I don’t mind._

Well that’s good. 

So 57, then? 

     _That was 57._

     _It means I do mind. A lot._

Sorry. 

     _Is that a real sorry_

     _or do you really mean you're not?_

     _That's number 56._

Maybe I’m not explaining it properly. 

     _You just call me dim?_

What? 

     _That’s 34._

     _You say that and_

     _it means you think I’m dim._

What? No! Never. 

A bit slow on the uptake someti- 

     _Doctor!_

Joking. 

     _Are you?_

     _I sometimes don’t know where I stand with you._

Clara, feel around your neck. 

     _Why?_

Humour me. What do you feel? 

     _My neck._

Hanging around it. 

     _My TARDIS key._

YOUR TARDIS key. 

One of the seven. 

I respect you and I trust you. 

The volcano was aeons ago. 

I’m teaching you to fly the TARDIS. 

You asked where you stand with me. 

You answered your own question. 

You stand WITH me. 

…

Clara? 

…

     _Doctor, you don’t need this silly list._

     _You’re doing fine._

     _I don’t feel like marking anymore._

     _Got plans?_

     _It’s not Wednesday, I know._

A revolution to put down on Beatrix 3. 

The Slitheen are acting up. 

George Washington lost his dentures again. 

Supernova in the LMC. 

Nothing that can’t wait. 

     _So want to have lunch together?_

That’s number 29, isn't it? Really means... 

     _... running to the bakery and back …_

     _… in the rain._

     _It’s not quite a supernova, I know._

I’ll go fetch my umbrella. 

**Author's Note:**

> In case anyone missed it, 3W refers to the fake company run by Missy in Dark Water (and of course the keys incident refers to that story). 
> 
> Clara infamously used "app" as a verb back in Time of the Doctor.


End file.
